Manchester City Forums

This is a discussion forum for Manchester City Football Club fans
It is currently Fri Mar 22, 2019 11:04 am

All times are UTC




Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next
Author Message
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:03 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:32 pm
Posts: 5405
Location: Not Adlington
Quote:
LUIS SUAREZ has revealed he only urinates when sitting down — because he is a clean-freak.

The Barcelona striker, 29, has been been embroiled in his fair share of dirt in the past, having been banned for biting THREE different players in his career, including Chelsea’s Branislav Ivanovic and Giorgio Chiellini.

But he insists at home he is spotless, especially in his toilet habits.

Speaking on Uruguayan TV, he said: “When peeing I am a clean man!

“This is an issue of hygiene for me because I have two children. I do not want it to squirt on the ground, so I pee sitting down.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:16 am 
Offline
Junior Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:02 am
Posts: 1920
Location: Thailand
If he can't hit the bowl you've got to question his shooting ability.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 11:15 am 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 02, 2008 7:50 pm
Posts: 24023
Location: Australia
Khabom you are growing to be one of my fave posters. Admittedly it is off a very low base, but I'll take what I can. :)

_________________
KYPU


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:04 pm 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 02, 2008 3:36 pm
Posts: 15852
Location: Swimming with Len Fairclough
*takes bait*

*clicks on thread*

*mind blown*

_________________
I raped myself once. My mind was telling me no but my body, my body was telling me yes.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 7:06 pm 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 02, 2008 3:36 pm
Posts: 15852
Location: Swimming with Len Fairclough
Actually this is a second thing me and Luis have in common - I also urinate sitting down! :TopHat2 The sit-down-piss is a real gamechanger. Fucking magical.

*the first thing we have in common is we both like to bite people, except I only bite women on buses :o

_________________
I raped myself once. My mind was telling me no but my body, my body was telling me yes.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:37 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:32 pm
Posts: 5405
Location: Not Adlington
Bastard wrote:
*takes bait*

*clicks on thread*

*mind blown*

:approve:


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Tue Apr 05, 2016 8:47 pm 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 11:57 am
Posts: 11646
Location: Leeds/Manchester
Pissing sitting down sounds all well and good but piss going through the gap between seat and bowl and getting all over my feet/boxers/the floor has happened enough times to make me wary of it happening, thus spoiling any relaxing enjoyment I might have derived from sitting down to piss. Does this mean I have a small knob?

In mitigation, I sit on the toilet like an Indian immigrant - with my feet up on the seat too, in a squat style. My dumps, while robbed of some of the undoubted masochistic pleasure of straining out a dirty great coil, are now very smooth and regular and slide out like a greased whippet from ESM's trousers. This means my dick is naturally pointing higher, due to resting on my knackers, than if I was sat normally.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 12:48 am 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 02, 2008 7:50 pm
Posts: 24023
Location: Australia
I got a mate who sits down to piss, lives by it, says he has never looked back.

I only SDTP if I am violently hungover. When even engaging abdo muscles is so hurtful that doing that and standing up becomes impossible, will I sit. Depending on the bowl config (if it is not my own thrown) and the amount of pressure I have you can end up pissing on your ballbag. Surely this splashback effect deems Chewie's concept as moot?

I don't believe you squat BBC, no way...

Also, boxers? Come on, get with the bikini style men's short short. They give a much firmer ride.

_________________
KYPU


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:34 am 
Offline
Senior Member

Joined: Thu May 01, 2008 1:18 pm
Posts: 15013
Location: Warrington
That it should come to this.
When I first joined this forum in I think 2004 after the demise of 606 I was pleased to communicate with like minded City supporters. Over the years we have seen some excellent posters come and go and some cretinous posters disappear.
I used to take pleasure from some of the considered opinions and clever jokes and witticisms posted.
Over the years numbers have declined in proportion to our success. There is often little to argue about when we are mostly winning.
We have declined in numbers to a hard core of long standing City fans.
However the standards have declined to the level of a discussion of BBCs toilet habits.
Surely we can do better.

_________________
The Senior Member


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 9:48 am 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 11:57 am
Posts: 11646
Location: Leeds/Manchester
Danny's Studs wrote:
I don't believe you squat BBC, no way...

Also, boxers? Come on, get with the bikini style men's short short. They give a much firmer ride.


I genuinely do, except I think you're imagining me squatting as one might on a squat toilet, whereas I sit down as normal then bring my legs up and rest my feet on the seat as well. Clearly only applicable at home where I know the seat is clean. May not be possible for anyone who doesn't have very flexible legs.

And I think you'd call them boxer briefs? They're snug fitting and not too long in the leg. But I suppose I've never really thought about it and it could well be time to mature up to the bikini style, especially as last year I swapped my surf shorts for tiny, Daniel Craig style swimming shorts on the beach.

And away Bert you tart - I tell you the same thing I told people who moaned about City being richer than God. I didn't start this, I'm just doing it better than everyone else.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 11:59 am 
Offline
Junior Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:02 am
Posts: 1920
Location: Thailand
BiscuitBlueCheese wrote:
Pissing sitting down sounds all well and good but piss going through the gap between seat and bowl and getting all over my feet/boxers/the floor has happened enough times to make me wary of it happening, thus spoiling any relaxing enjoyment I might have derived from sitting down to piss. Does this mean I have a small knob?

In mitigation, I sit on the toilet like an Indian immigrant - with my feet up on the seat too, in a squat style. My dumps, while robbed of some of the undoubted masochistic pleasure of straining out a dirty great coil, are now very smooth and regular and slide out like a greased whippet from ESM's trousers. This means my dick is naturally pointing higher, due to resting on my knackers, than if I was sat normally.


Something's not right.... :confused:

Yes


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 1:35 pm 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 11:57 am
Posts: 11646
Location: Leeds/Manchester
I'm perfectly happy with the size of my wanger, and so was your mum (hey yooooo). No but seriously you know sometimes you'll be soft but it'll still have a decent weight and thickness to it, those times where you think 'if I was doing a naked photoshoot I'd want my knob to be like this, maybe even give it a sly tug or two to really show off'? I'm not talking about those times. I'm talking about the ones where it's retreated like a turtle into its shell and you have a pathetic little drooper. And when you sit down and piss, and then you tighten your kegel and the muscle action pulls your dick up a bit, and the last little bit of wee spurts out? That would be when any offending pesky piss might sneak its way through.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 3:02 pm 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue Jul 29, 2008 4:53 pm
Posts: 16403
Location: frank sidebottoms shed in timperley
Thread of the year so far, rated accordingly.. :clap:

_________________
I Belong To City
____________________
BJWB.1920-31/12/2010.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Wed Apr 06, 2016 4:37 pm 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:32 pm
Posts: 5405
Location: Not Adlington
Why the fuck would you put your feet up on the toilet seat? I am not having that as even possible

Plus, kudos if it makes having a shit easier (and alleviates a potential risk factor for hiatus hernia) but just put your feet on the floor when you SDTP

I must admit I usually stand but then I get pissed off when I have to clean piss off the cistern/seat/floor/window etc. I may adopt a sitting posture from now on. Thank you to Luis for showing us The Way


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 3:17 am 
Offline
Junior Member
User avatar

Joined: Thu Jul 17, 2008 6:02 am
Posts: 1920
Location: Thailand
How do you piss through the gap between the seat and the bowl and get piss on your feet/boxers when your feet are up on the seat. This suggests you have a long knob at least.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 5:07 am 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 11:57 am
Posts: 11646
Location: Leeds/Manchester
Khabom wrote:
How do you piss through the gap between the seat and the bowl and get piss on your feet/boxers when your feet are up on the seat. This suggests you have a long knob at least.


You're alright Khabom, you're alright


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 5:13 am 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 11:57 am
Posts: 11646
Location: Leeds/Manchester
NoddytheAdlingtonBlue wrote:
Why the fuck would you put your feet up on the toilet seat? I am not having that as even possible


I did say I was flexible. For reference of leg flexibility I can put them behind my head and also fold them in the lotus position and walk around on my knees like it ain't no thang so I realise I'm in the minority. If you google it there's a surprisingly large array of stools (giggle) and other props designed to rest your feet on in front of the shitter to achieve the same purpose.

I just went for an early morning dump and was struck again by the brilliance of my method, when I'd squeezed out what I thought was everything, but a quick lift of the legs revealed an extra shit nugget hiding away back there. It's nice feeling fully voided.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 5:16 am 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Tue May 27, 2008 11:57 am
Posts: 11646
Location: Leeds/Manchester
I think that's the other thing. I had a haemorrhoid once when I was 20ish at a music festival and it burst when I was there and the grim awfulness of that experience has made me unabashedly pursue other, perhaps more avant garde avenues of colonical health.


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 7:12 am 
Offline
Senior Member
User avatar

Joined: Fri May 09, 2008 5:34 pm
Posts: 29099
Location: Limbo
I am in awe.

_________________
"It felt like a really pointless version of ketamine: no psychedelic effects, no pleasant slide into rubbery nonsense, just a sudden drop off the cliff of wrongness."
"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"


Top
 Profile  
 
PostPosted: Thu Apr 07, 2016 10:00 am 
Offline
Member
User avatar

Joined: Mon Aug 11, 2008 4:32 pm
Posts: 5405
Location: Not Adlington
Khabom wrote:
How do you piss through the gap between the seat and the bowl and get piss on your feet/boxers when your feet are up on the seat. This suggests you have a long knob at least.

I completely missed this. I don't think it suggest a long knob, just utter bullshit. Unless he takes his boxers off and leaves them on the floor. In which case, just hang them on the towel rail ffs :confused:


Top
 Profile  
 
Display posts from previous:  Sort by  
Post new topic Reply to topic  [ 37 posts ]  Go to page 1, 2  Next

All times are UTC


Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 3 guests


You cannot post new topics in this forum
You cannot reply to topics in this forum
You cannot edit your posts in this forum
You cannot delete your posts in this forum
You cannot post attachments in this forum

Search for:
Jump to:  
cron
Powered by phpBB® Forum Software © phpBB Group