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so footballers can be convicted of crimes

Premier League footballer Marlon King faces jail after being convicted of sexually assaulting a woman in a bar.

The Wigan Athletic striker was repeatedly "cold-shouldered" by the 20-year-old student in London last December, Southwark Crown Court heard.

He groped her and then punched her, leaving her with a broken nose.

The father-of-three, from Waltham Cross, Hertfordshire, had insisted it was a case of mistaken identity, but the jury returned a unanimous verdict.

The assault happened at the Soho Revue Bar at a time when King was on loan with Hull City.

He was celebrating two occasions - his wife's latest pregnancy and the scoring of a winning goal - with a night out in the West End.

King was repeatedly "cold-shouldered" by women in the bar, the court heard, and lost his temper.

A moment of "completely gratuitous violence" led to him "smashing" the victim to the floor, jurors were told.

Two other people standing beside King were also knocked away as a result of the force of the blow he inflicted.

Several witnesses testified that King was responsible, despite his denial, including a football coach who insisted the 29-year-old Jamaican international was the assailant.

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"It felt like a really pointless version of ketamine: no psychedelic effects, no pleasant slide into rubbery nonsense, just a sudden drop off the cliff of wrongness."
"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"

Beer can.

What a knob though. Way to celebrate your wife's latest pregnancy, hitting on a girl and then smashing her face in when you get denied.

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[color="Silver"]Bring back the 8 Ball![/color]

aye. what a complete utter noncey twat.

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"It felt like a really pointless version of ketamine: no psychedelic effects, no pleasant slide into rubbery nonsense, just a sudden drop off the cliff of wrongness."
"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"

He's just got 18 months.

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Tristitia vestra vertetur in gaudium

And Wigan have sacked him.

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Cut along dotted line
---8<-------------------------------------------

oh dear.

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"It felt like a really pointless version of ketamine: no psychedelic effects, no pleasant slide into rubbery nonsense, just a sudden drop off the cliff of wrongness."
"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"

Sweet

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[color="Silver"]Bring back the 8 Ball![/color]

She should sue him for everything he's got while she's at it.

nice lad, got a record going back 12 years for anything from fraud to drink driving

will serve 9 months and be at a new club for the new season after getting his biography written up and selling his story to news of the world about how sorry he is

i hope he gets arse bummed and catches the bad aids

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'Fabio, the round thing there is the ball'

Aguero

twats like Marlon King, and you can bring Joey Barton into the equation, are nasty bits of work, and should be kicked out of football.

Well, as long as twats like this can kick a ball better clubs will sign them. He'll be playing somewhere when he gets out of pokey.

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And put on that wig I bought you. No, no, no, no. The reddish-brown one.

Apparently his chat-up lines were; "Don't you know who I am? I'm a millionaire", and "I'm out of your league"...

He should have his legs amputated so there's no chance of him making a living out of football again.

correct.

what she should have said in reply was "yes, i know you, you're an average footballer, that isn't really Premiership class, playing well above your station. You should be playing for Hereford, that's your standard."

I wonder if he'll be saying that when the prison warden looks the other way when his new cell mate introduces him to the game "ball on chin".

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And put on that wig I bought you. No, no, no, no. The reddish-brown one.

the prison team would look pretty decent with Barton pulling the strings in MF feeding the ball to King.

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Posting Bi-Monthly These Days

I was born with "methemoglobinemia"

However, Rose West plays in goals. She's only 4'3" and is vunerable with chipped shots.

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And put on that wig I bought you. No, no, no, no. The reddish-brown one.

boac

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"It felt like a really pointless version of ketamine: no psychedelic effects, no pleasant slide into rubbery nonsense, just a sudden drop off the cliff of wrongness."
"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"

grauniad
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"No one saw this coming," said Finnegan after King's conviction for $exual assault and actual bodily harm, in the process putting on the most disturbingly over-the-top exhibition of standing by your man since the Fiver's encounter with a quart of methylated spirits, a tea-time-email gender identity crisis and a late-night wrong turn into the bear-pit of the Rubber Monkey Dolly Parton Karaoke Tribute Night.
Still, the Fiver believes in giving everyone a fair hearing. Even if some people do seem to get a lot more fair hearings than others - like these ones belonging to Marlon King for example:

1997: Marlon King convicted of head-butting and punching opposition player.

1999: Marlon King fined for theft and fraudulently using tax disc.

2002: Marlon King fined for drunk, uninsured driving.

2002: Marlon King secures community order for criminal damage.

Still 2002: Marlon King jailed for receiving a stolen £30,000 BMW.

2003: Marlon King fined for chasing two women down Soho street with belt buckle wrapped around his fist.

2005: Marlon King fined for spitting in the face of woman he'd never met before.

The Fiver would respectfully suggest that if no one really did see this coming, no one might have perhaps had a squint at the King career rap sheet. Still, it takes a great deal more than that to stop his paid representative, who is still calling for the PFA to "stand by" the man once described as "the Thierry Henry of the Championship" (note to Tony Finnegan: membership of union does not generally confer watertight backing for right to break noses in trendy night spots; it's usually more to do with the solidarity of workers).

And in closing, the Fiver's new favourite Mr Fix-it also believes Dave Whelan has made a huge mistake sacking his jailed, $ex offender-registered, 29-year-old one-goal striker. "If he comes out in three months' time and he wanted to be signed by another Premier League club, do Wigan allow him to go for nothing or do they seek a fee?" Finnegan wiffled, pound-signs still flickering across his eyeballs even on the court steps, and his belief in redemption, forgiveness, and being able to chisel out a few extra quid from even the most unsavoury of PR disasters still hearteningly - and for the Fiver thrillingly - intact.

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"It felt like a really pointless version of ketamine: no psychedelic effects, no pleasant slide into rubbery nonsense, just a sudden drop off the cliff of wrongness."
"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"

Why didn't Gerrard get put away for affray? That's my question. I mean, I'm glad King has gone away - it should be longer in my opinion. But Gerrard is still a free man.

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