NOW, GO HOME AND GET YOUR EFFIN' SHINEBOX
Make no mistake, the Fiver knows how it feels to get down on its
knees, apply a little spit and set about buffing furiously - all in
the hope that some well-heeled individual in an expensive suit will
throw us a tip in recognition of a job well done. So it is that the
story of 17-year-old James McPike and the Premier League footballer
in the silver sports car brought a tear of chest-tightening avarice
to the Fiver's weary eye. McPike, it turns out, is an apprentice at
relegated Bongo FC, part of whose watch this season has involved
blotting the minuscule specks of dirt from the largely under-employed
boots of GBP3m ex-Juventus idler Olivier Kapo.
Imagine McPike's surprise when, after his final session with the
Blanco and the slipper-style soccer blades, Kapo chucked him the keys
to his GBP30,000 Mercedes as a keepsake. "[Pike] told him he would
struggle to afford the insurance of such an expensive car," reported
today's Daily Heil newspaper-style publication. "So the French
international drove the disbelieving 20-year-old to his home, handed
him the spare keys and log book and then insisted on paying for a
year's insurance." Leaving the ex-Monaco Santa Claus down to his last
Porsche and his final two-tonne Hummer jeep in the process.
The obvious response to which is: French international? Really? The
second most obvious response is how wonderful it is to hear such
lovely story of compassion, generosity and having too many cars. A
story that puts the lie to the old chestnut about Premier League
players earning so much money they've lost any sense of the value of
... no, hang on... puts the lie to the terrible slander that
footballers are completely out of touch with... actually, the Fiver's
not really sure what the moral of the story is, other than perhaps:
a) Olivier Kapo's about to move house to somewhere warmer where they
drive on the right; and b) there's nothing you can't achieve if
you're willing to get your hands mucky applying a little elbow grease
where a gentleman appreciates it most.
And with that the Fiver's all set to clamber down from its sooty and
cobwebbed perch in the eaves of Guardian Towers in search of some
action. ... yes, thank you sir.... and will there be anything extra
sir? No, sir?
_________________ A double-bed and a stalwart lover, for sure These are the riches of the poor
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