sneider allegedly available for £6m. lorente available for similar amount as well, allegedly.

anyways, rumour mill-tastic

Football transfer rumours: Real Madrid to sign David de Gea for £22m?Today's rumours would like to wish you a happy new year
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Barney Ronay
guardian.co.uk, Tuesday 1 January 2013 10.04 GMT
'Madrid, you say?' Photograph: Clive Mason/Getty Images
It's back. The January transfer window is now upon us, a sizzling petri dish of ambition, greed and vested interests within which whispers become gossip, gossip becomes rumour, rumour becomes news and panic-stricken cash-heavy clock-ticking desperation becomes a disastrous January splurge of self-maiming proportions. Frankly, the Mill couldn't be any happier, in part because the Mill, as a loosely woven metaphorical construct, is incapable of feeling either happy or sad but simply regards the entire footballing world from behind its glazed and whirring compound eye. But mainly because the window is simply the most rumoury time of year, an echo chamber of vaulting idiocy that promises yet again to run through the usual narrative cycle from cagey beginnings, talk of austerity and a new wariness abroad, right through to the familiar end-of-window collapse into another bell-ringing cartwheeling record spend.


No doubt helped on this occasion by the hauling on stage, at the very last, of a potential world class tug-of-money transfer saga. Every window needs a saga, and this window has many already cautiously lined up, albeit perhaps the real capillary-busting sizzling hot plate centrepiece has yet to be fully unveiled. Happily for all concerned the Sun has already made manful attempts to winch Cristiano Ronaldo – for it is He – into place with a will-he-won't-he-no-he-probably-won't stab at some kind of Manchester United/Real Madrid Iberian exchange programme.


"CRISTIANO RONALDO will NOT cost Manchester United £122m if he quits Madrid," the Sun reports. Albeit any potential return to Old Trafford for the Pelé of the toe-poke could well involve a sack-full of human freight heading in the other direction. This is made a little more likely by the fact José Mourinho appears to have decided he's had enough of the niftily coiffured world-class short-sleeved capering Spanish shot-stop fop Iker Casillas, deciding instead to replace him with niftily coiffured so-so long-sleeved capering shot-stop fop David de Gea. De Gea's list price is £22m. Portuguese wing-imp Nani, who used to occasionally play football, could also move as part of the entirely made-up deal.


Back in the more plausible world: more Ba humbug as the world's most in-demand lolloping cut-price goal machine continues to parade himself before the Premier League elite, fluttering his fan and patting his powdered wig. As we are rarely allowed to forget for more than a few minutes at a time, Ba has a £7.5m "release clause" in his contract: the Sun has already suggested that Rafa Benítez "wants to seal a deal this week after triggering Ba's £7.5m release clause". At which point it would be remiss of the Mill not to make a series of insinuating remarks about Demba's prospective goal-to-millions ratio while also taking a casual swipe at Fernando Torres (see also: Olivier Giroud, Theo Walcott, possibly Wayne Rooney, anyone at Liverpool who isn't Luis Suárez and, just for old time's sake, Andy Carroll). Never mind that Ba's agent-jackpot golden ticket move may not be quite as irresistible as it once appeared: Torres has seven goals in the new managerial era plus his own dedicated goatee-bearded personal manager whose contract states he consents to being vigorously Chinese burned by the entire club hierarchy if fails to add a selection of smiley emoticons next to Torres's name on every single match-day Chelsea team-sheet; Walcott currently has more goals than Ba this season; and Giroud increasingly resembles an endearing French goal-hunk.


Plus, even as the Mill clunks these words out on its yellowing, pulsing multi-transistor enormo-monitor, Sky Sports and assorted newspapers are already suggesting the Ba lockdown talks may have fallen through, no doubt related to the fact that at least five family members/shiny-suited Ba-loaders are after a cut of the first and perhaps only major transfer deal of his peripatetic career.


Elsewhere, ageing midfield wardrobe Frank Lampard may or may not be offered a new contract at Chelsea. The LA Galaxy, a non-specific Chinese money-burning exercise and Lazio are all interested. Colombian goal-sniffer Rademal Falcao may or may not be leaving Atlético Madrid, but he certainly won't – or at least may not – be doing so in January, according to none other than Colombian goal-sniffer Rademal Falcao. "Leaving Atlético in the winter transfer window is absolutely not on. I want to help achieve the objectives we have with my current club," Falcao has said. Eh?


In the Daily Mail, Ba may actually be heading for relegation-bound cautionary tale QPR, while the race for Wilfried Zaha is now "hotting up". Crystal Palace have rejected a bid of £8m – or almost a Bébé – from Manchester United. Palace want £20m. Zaha supports Arsenal.


Harry Redknapp is "in talks" with Joe Cole about another disastrous downward-spiral career move for the nation's favourite out-of-puff one-time jink-prodigy.And Xabi Alonso may be on his way back to England after failing, as yet to agree a new deal at Real Madrid. "There is always a chance I could go back to the Premier League as I always enjoyed good times there," Alonso pre-negotiated, reading from a small stack of cue cards.


The Daily Mirror expects Spurs to have another pop at ace Porto midfield scurrier João Moutinho, while Newcastle, Spurs and QPR will all make a play for perennial rumour favourite Loïc Rémy. Plus as the Mirror so rightly points out, dissident midfield baldie Wesley Sneijder could yet be the catch of the window, with Inter apparently ready to think about letting him leave for a mere £8m. Spurs, Chelsea, Manchester United, Arsenal, Newcastle and – no doubt – self-scuppering billionaire's ghost ship QPR are all in or at least close to the frame.