|
I want to stop my lesbian neighbours from showing off their sex lifeA woman concerned by her lesbian neighbours' sexual displays wonders how to make them stop. Mariella Frostrup suggests she should relax and enjoy the free show
Share 212
inShare.0Email
Mariella Frostrup
The Observer, Sunday 20 January 2013 Jump to comments (206)
"Before you lose interest, take advantage of enforced voyeurism to spice up your own sex life", advises Mariella. Photograph: Alamy
The dilemma I live in a high-rise apartment with a view of my neighbours' flats across the street. Two young ladies recently moved into a flat there, and they have no window coverings. The bed is in full view of their window (which is floor-to-ceiling height) and they are in the habit of showing their love to one another, in the bed, quite often. My husband loves the display and I don't have a problem with their sexuality, I just don't like seeing anyone make love in full view of everyone else. How can I tell these ladies that everyone can see them? Their building has security features which keep non-residents from entering, so I can't leave a note on their door. I have no way of contacting the building's management or home owners' association. Should I really care? I assure you that this is not a joke. I can send you pictures if you need proof.
Mariella replies It may not be a joke, but it's pretty funny. I certainly wouldn't be offering to send the pictures out for free, even to a liberal, free-thinking magazine like this one. That's a goldmine you've got going on across the street. You could be building a retirement fund with such material. It's exactly what our nation appears to revel in: prying, poking, invading and exploiting real people's lives. In this case rather than being vilified you might actually be appreciated for your efforts in bringing these women's exertions to a wider audience. You could do regular Friday-night gatherings round at your place with cocktails and canapés, for a fee, obviously. Or go global. A zoom lens focused on their bedroom and you'd be a YouTube sensation – all you would need to do is tweet the location and you'd create an instant hit.
I'm surprised these girls haven't done it themselves, to be honest. I presume they enjoy the attention. Then again perhaps your average internet surfer is too jaded to bother with a bit of pedestrian girl-on-girl action. There was a hotel in New York that opened a few years ago with floor-to-ceiling glass in the bedrooms and crowds began gathering nightly to view the show mounted by guests eager to share their coupling with a wider audience. Online, though, your view might sadly prove a tame offering among the sexual mayhem out there. I'm no expert but I'm assured there is absolutely nothing you can't find if you're prepared to invest the time searching it out.
Indeed, the Children's Commissioner's interim report into sexual violence last year elaborated on the correlation between violent sexual acts perpetrated by gangs and abusers and what they're watching online. So many children are apparently learning the mechanics of sex – not from embarrassed parents, contemporaries at school or sex education classes but from what is performed by anonymous strangers on sex sites – that their notions of what is considered "normal" practice is becoming corrupted. I don't mean to dampen your ardour by bringing up such sobering topics, but as we're all responsible for the society we create it seems worth mentioning.
The obvious answer in your case is that no one is forcing you to watch. Indeed, after the initial titillation of witnessing strangers have sex with each other, doesn't the excitement wear off? I wonder how long your husband will consider it the greatest show on earth. Seeing the same two people go at it on a daily basis must lose its allure in much the same way as long-term repetition with one partner tends to have a detrimental impact on once-irrepressible lust.
You make quite a big deal about the inaccessibility of this couple's apartment, but I'm sure you could simply post a letter addressed to "The lesbians with no curtains", which would serve to alert them to their audience without even requiring them to open the envelope. My sense is that, despite the tone of mild outrage you're adopting, you are probably as titillated as your man, and that, too, is a perfectly normal response. Perhaps before you lose interest in their activities, you should take advantage of your enforced voyeurism to spice up your own sex life.
If your appetite runs out before they've invested in window dressing, write a big cardboard sign saying: "Get some curtains" and leave it propped in your own windows. Either way, thanks for writing – you've brightened up a dull January day for many others and me!
_________________
"It felt like a really pointless version of ketamine: no psychedelic effects, no pleasant slide into rubbery nonsense, just a sudden drop off the cliff of wrongness."
"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"
|
Login
Register
FAQ
Search
