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| Old Jokes Home http://www.mancityforum.co.uk/forum/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=6482 |
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| Author: | Bastard [ Wed Jan 16, 2013 4:17 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
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| Author: | Bert Trautmanns neck brace [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 12:02 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
---------------------------------------------------------------------------- Having an Irish mixed grill !! New potatoes, roast potatoes, boiled potatoes, mashed potatoes, waffles and hash browns with chips. Congratulations you have won either £1000 cash or tickets to see Elvis Presley. Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show....... A man walks into a crowded bar with a loaded gun and shouts "who's bin f*ckin my wife?"a voice in the back shouts " you don't have enough bullets"..... My wife just asked me if her appendix scar made her look unattractive. Apparently the response of" don't worry babe, your tits cover it" wasn't the answer she waslooking for. Scouser went to court accused of shagging a cat. The judge dismissed the case saying that in his 30 years as a judge he'd never known a scouser put anything into a kitty!. : |
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| Author: | Bastard [ Sun Jan 27, 2013 1:20 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
Your loose colon troubles me Bert. |
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| Author: | Dark Blue [ Thu Feb 14, 2013 11:03 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
Dropping my new girlfriend home the other night after our second date she told me I'd have to wait six months before she'd suck my cock. I told her I totally understood and respected her decision and that I'd ring her nearer the time. |
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| Author: | O Blue [ Wed Jul 03, 2013 7:11 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
A funny one I heard today... I was playing Football Manager on my PC when I was offered the Arsenal job. I knew it was a shit squad with no future, so I declined the offer. I then put the phone down and got back to Football Manager.  and another..... It's Mark Hughes's first day as Stoke manager and he goes into the dressing room to talk to the players and there is a big poo right in the showers. He is really angry and asks "who's shit on the floor?" Peter Crouch puts his hand up and says, "Yeah, but I'm good in the air." 
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| Author: | Bastard [ Tue Oct 01, 2013 11:50 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
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| Author: | Gallagheresque [ Wed Oct 02, 2013 7:09 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
I went to the Lowry the other day and as i went to get into the lift David Moyes followed in behind me, i asked if he was going down, he looked at me and said it looks like it. 
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| Author: | Jesus O'Nazareth [ Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:09 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
Always had this fantasy of having a threesome with the wife and her best mate whilst they're both on their period and I think tonight maybe the night! Now I just need to pull a few strings. |
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| Author: | Bert Trautmanns neck brace [ Thu Oct 10, 2013 4:49 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
That reminds me of the furniture joke |
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| Author: | Jesus O'Nazareth [ Thu Oct 17, 2013 2:27 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
Whatever you think of Margaret Thatcher the fact is that when the bomb went off at the Grand Hotel in Brighton at two in the morning she had been awake putting the finishing touches to her speech for the next day. Four floors of the hotel collapsed into the basement. Five people died & many more were injured. At 9.30 the following morning Margaret delivered her speech to the Tory Party Conference as scheduled. You have to take your balaclava off to her really. |
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| Author: | Bastard [ Sun Oct 20, 2013 9:29 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
My wife's just bought a ruler from Smiths. Heaven knows i'm measurable now. |
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| Author: | Khabom [ Tue Nov 05, 2013 11:56 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
As a boy, I was blessed with a nine and a half inch penis. Unfortunatly it belonged to Father O'Reilly. |
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| Author: | Bert Trautmanns neck brace [ Tue Nov 05, 2013 4:37 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
True story Got dragged round that Cheshire Oaks Outlet place today by the lady wife. There was a woman with a screaming kid in a pushchair. It was clearly getting on everyone's nerves. I said to her "have you smacked that child?" She says "No" I said "Why not?" |
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| Author: | South East Citizen [ Wed Nov 13, 2013 9:43 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
If you ask a man to do something he'll do it, there's no need to keep nagging him every 6 months. |
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| Author: | Bastard [ Thu Dec 12, 2013 6:39 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
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| Author: | Jesus O'Nazareth [ Tue Dec 31, 2013 11:55 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
My doctor's just told me I have a cute vagina and my ears need syringing. |
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| Author: | Gallagheresque [ Sun Jan 19, 2014 6:58 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
William Shatner bought a lingerie store, it didn't take off though. I can't see what was wrong with Shatner Knickers....... |
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| Author: | Bert Trautmanns neck brace [ Sun Jan 19, 2014 10:14 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
Manchester United F C |
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| Author: | Jesus O'Nazareth [ Sat Feb 01, 2014 6:10 pm ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
I was at the airport yesterday when my plane was delayed so I was sat in departures when a beautiful woman in an air stewardesses uniform sat down opposite me. Captivated by her looks I thought I'd pass some time in conversation so as a nice breaker I thought I'd try to guess her airline. Leaning forward I said "To Fly, to serve?" at which she merely scowled in my direction. Ok, not BA then I thought. Trying again I smiled and said "None stop you?" Which was met with an even more hostile look in my direction. Oh dear, not Lufthansa either. I know, I thought and leant forward ready to try again but before I could say a word she shouted loudly "WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU WANT?" "Ah!" I said......."Ryanair!" |
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| Author: | Bastard [ Sun May 04, 2014 10:57 am ] |
| Post subject: | Re: Old Jokes Home |
A girl came up to me last night saying she knew me from the vegetarian restaurant, but I've never met herbivore. 
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