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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 9:13 am 
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probably. and then will sell relics

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 9:19 am 
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time to call in the black bag boys for these fuckers

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/northern_ireland/7933990.stm

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 9:23 am 
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yup. report mentioned something about shot from distance, so a return of snipers.
headcases.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 9:48 am 
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slart wrote:
I wonder if max clifford has struck a deal with OK magazine for the funeral.


gold mate..gold..:D:approve:

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:27 am 
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don't taunt the monkey... http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/sci/tech/7928996.stm
Zoo chimp 'planned' stone attacks

Chimpanzees have long been suspected of planning ahead
A male chimpanzee in a Swedish zoo planned hundreds of stone-throwing attacks on zoo visitors, according to researchers.

Keepers at Furuvik Zoo found that the chimp collected and stored stones that he would later use as missiles.

Further, the chimp learned to recognise how and when parts of his concrete enclosure could be pulled apart to fashion further projectiles.

The findings are reported in the journal Current Biology.

There has been scant evidence in previous research that animals can plan for future events.

Crucial to the current study is the fact that Santino, a chimpanzee at the zoo in the city north of Stockholm, collected the stones in a calm state, prior to the zoo opening in the morning.

The launching of the stones occurred hours later - during dominance displays to zoo visitors - with Santino in an "agitated" state.

This suggests that Santino was anticipating a future mental state - an ability that has been difficult to definitively prove in animals, according to Mathias Osvath, a cognitive scientist from Lund University in Sweden and author of the new research.

"We've done experimental studies, and the chimps in my mind show very clearly that they do plan for future needs, but it has been argued that perhaps this was an experimental artefact," Dr Osvath told BBC News. FROM THE TODAY PROGRAMME


More from Today programme

"Now we have this spontaneous behaviour, which is always in some sense better evidence."

Cracking show

Dr Osvath embarked on the study after zoo staff discovered caches of stones in the section of the enclosure facing the public viewing area.

Since the initial discovery in 1997, hundreds of the caches have been removed to protect visitors, to whom the caching and the aggressive displays seem strictly related; in the off season, Santino neither hoards the projectiles nor hurls them.

Most interestingly, Santino seems to have learned how to spot weak parts of the concrete "boulders" in the centre of the enclosure.

When water seeps into cracks in the concrete and freezes, portions become detached that make a hollow sound when tapped.

Santino was observed gently knocking on the "boulders", hitting harder to detach bits that were loosened and adding those to his stashes of ammunition.
The chimp stashed hundreds of stones in anticipation of throwing them

There are a number of examples of complex behaviour in apes that suggest forms of consciousness.

Planning behaviour like that of the current work is connected to so-called autonoetic consciousness, where information due to memory can be distinguished from that from the senses.

"I'm personally convinced that at least chimps do plan for future needs, that they do have this autonoetic consciousness," Dr Osvath said.

"I hope that other zoos or those in the wild will look more closely at what is happening," he added.

"I bet there must be a lot of these kinds of behaviours out there, and I wouldn't be surprised if we find them in dolphins or other species."

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"i'm gonna wreck you so bad we're going to have to change church"


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:29 am 
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Monkey Mash it Up:

A CHIMPANZEE in a Swedish zoo has displayed the distinctly human characteristic of not enjoying being locked up against his will.

Santino, a 31 year-old male, gathers rocks and then throws them at visitors in what scientists say is evidence of him being incredibly pissed off.

Dr Tom Logan, of the Institute for Studies, said: "This is the first evidence we have that chimpanzees, like humans, are not terribly fond of being drugged, kidnapped, flown half way around the world and gawped at by fat, ice-cream covered children.

"In Santino's case he also seems to have worked out that the zoo is a commercial enterprise and that if he can hit just two or three of these porky youngsters in the face, not only will they not come back, they'll tell all their friends and gradually word will spread until the zoo goes out of business and he can make his way back to Africa.

"I wouldn't be surprised if he also has a calendar, a credit card and the flight schedules between Stockholm and Nairobi."

Dr Logan added: "Like a human, he's thinking, 'I'm 31, I should be out there meeting interesting, sexy females and buying my first tree, but instead I'm working for some dreary institute, wanking myself to sleep and sharing a rented flat with a malodorous bastard'.

"Interestingly Santino also displays the distinctly unhuman characteristic of having some kind of vague plan and at least trying to think it all through, instead of just making it up as you go along until even the fucking banks run out of money."

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 10:40 am 
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/7934272.stm

Formula One champion Lewis Hamilton is to collect his MBE from the Queen.

The 24-year-old racing driver from Stevenage said he felt "humbled" by the "massive honour" when he was named in the New Year Honours.

He became the youngest ever winner of the world championship after the Brazilian Grand Prix in November.

Others to collect honours at Buckingham Palace include Army chief General Sir Richard Dannatt, and Olympic gold medal-winning canoeist Tim Brabants.

Hamilton, who is dating Pussycat Dolls singer Nicole Scherzinger, has enjoyed a rapid rise.

At an awards dinner as a 10-year-old, he told the head of racing team McLaren that he would one day like to drive for them.

Three years later, McLaren and Mercedes-Benz signed him to their young driver support programme and he went on to win three championship titles.

Dying passengers

In 2007 he became the first black driver in Formula One and a year later took the fifth place he needed at the last corner in the Brazil GP to take the crown.

Sir Dannatt, who became chief of the General Staff in 2006, will collect his Knight Grand Cross.

Two months into the job he said the British military should leave Iraq soon or risk making security in that country worse.

He was awarded the Military Cross at the age of 22 after service in Northern Ireland and also served in Kosovo as British forces' commander.

He later took command of Nato's Allied Rapid Reaction Corps.

Mr Brabants, who is a doctor, will receive an MBE after winning the men's K1 1000m in Beijing - Britain's first Olympic gold in that sport. He also won bronze in the K1 500m.

• Cycling champion Jody Cundy picks up his MBE after winning his fourth Paralympic gold.

• David Weir collects his MBE after winning the wheelchair race of the Flora London Marathon four times; and

• Tim Coulson, of Oxfordshire, gets an MBE for helping wounded and dying passengers in a smoke-filled carriage after the 2005 London bombings.


I'm assuming this wasn't the same David Weir who plays for Rangers, otherwise he's just a big cheater!

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 11:16 am 
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http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/education/7933690.stm

People could qualify as a teacher in England in six months rather than the usual year, under new government plans.

Schools Minister Jim Knight is to announce proposals aimed at attracting more outstanding people into teaching as a new career.

Two hundred people seen as future head teachers will also be able to move into school leadership within four years.

One education union reacted with alarm and scepticism about the need for the scheme or its practicability.

'Life experience'

The changes are part of the government's wide ranging Working Together public service reform paper, being published by the prime minister on Tuesday.

Its proposals include offering people the chance to rate health and childcare services online, as well as comparing police and council performance.

Mr Knight said: "There are thousands of highly talented individuals in this country who are considering their next move, who want to do something challenging, rewarding, that is highly respected and where good people have great prospects.
------------------------------------------------------------------------
the only way to attract teachers is to bring back corporal punishment. then there will be loads of applications.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 11:20 am 
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A likely story.:D

http://http://www.manchestereveningnews.co.uk/news/s/1100944_pensioners_in_virgin_porn_row

Pensioners in Virgin porn row


AN elderly couple were cut off by Virgin Media after the company accused them of ordering hundreds of pounds worth of porn movies.

Ann Hayward, 68, and husband Ronald, 71, from Reddish get their broadband, telephone and TV from Virgin and usually get a monthly bill of around £40 or £50.

But the couple who live in pensioners' flats, were flabbergasted at the beginning of this year when their bill shot up to £168.13.

Mrs Hayward contacted Virgin immediately, to be told the massive rise was down to several £5 movies which had been ordered from a series of adult channels in the early hours of the morning.

At first the couple who describe themselves as `not the usual candidates for adult movies' thought it was funny and had a joke about it with their family and friends, thinking the mistake would quickly be rectified.

But despite being visited by engineers, having two replacement Virgin boxes fitted and a block put on the adult channels by Virgin, the films continued to be added to their bill and the accounts department continued demanding more money.

Following the arrival of a second monthly bill, demanding £189.66p Mrs Hayward was contacted by the Virgin accounts department and asked to pay some of the money there and then.

Having explained the situation, the retired nursery nurse said she could not pay the bill until the correct total was established by the complaints department who had been trying to sort out the problem for more than a month.

But when the call ended and she picked up the phone to contact the account manager dealing with the issue, the phone was dead.

Cut off

It had been cut off along with the couple's broadband and television access. And to add insult to injury the bill also included a £10 fee for late payment.

The mum-of-five said: "It was funny when the first bill came. Our sons were laughing and joking about it, but it's beyond a joke now.

"Over the course of 36 days, 56 films were ordered on our account. They were all in the early hours of the morning when we were both in bed. On one occasion six had been ordered at exactly the same time, how is that possible?

"When I explained this to the accounts department, they said the only other explanation could be that someone else had got into our flat and was ordering the films using our box."

The couple live in a modest ground-floor flat and the bed is visible from the sofa in the lounge.

Mrs Hayward added: "There is no way someone could have got into the flat to book the movies while we were in bed. On the dates the films were booked we had been staying in all the time because it was snowy and my husband had flu.

"I think someone must be hacking into the system, but Virgin just won't have it. I am absolutely furious.

"The money comes from a bank account we use to pay other bills and I was really worried they were just going to take the money by direct debit so I cancelled it, but kept the money aside to pay for what we owe.

"If they had taken the full amount, there wouldn't have been any money left to pay our other bills."

She added: "When they first cut off the phone I called my son Peter using my mobile.

He said, "get on the web and get on to Watchdog they'll sort it out.' I said, `I can't son, they've cut off our broadband'.

"We both go to classes to learn family and social history and we use the internet a lot to do our research, we've really missed it. The phone seems to be allowing incoming calls, but we can't use it to dial out, so I have to use the mobile if I want to ring anyone.

"We've been with Virgin for 10 or 11 years, surely they must realise from looking at our previous bills that this can't be down to us."

Unusual case

After the M.E.N. contacted Virgin Media the company said they were still trying to get to the bottom of how the films ended up on the Hayward's bill, stressing it was an isolated and unusual case.

But they have restored the couple's telephone, broadband and television and are now asking them to pay only the fees they would normally have incurred.

A spokeswoman said they would also be given a small goodwill payment to compensate for their inconvenience.

She said: "We take this matter extremely seriously and have spoken with Mrs Hayward, restored her services and credited her account in full.

"In the meantime, as a priority, we are continuing our investigations to determine how this problem occurred."

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 11:25 am 
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an amusing story. but i just love the use of this word: flabbergasted.

i bet he gets up in the night when his wife is asleep to have a quick tug.


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 11:27 am 
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That old couple sound like a bunch of wankers....

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 12:18 pm 
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When I was at school a lad in the class hired a load of porno movies from the local video shop. He was about 14 at the time and looked about 12.

He was watching one grumble tape during his lunch hour when he mum unexpectedly came home from work. She clipped his ear of course, but her next step was funnier.

She didn't complain to the video shop - even though she had the box. She phoned up customs to report the matter.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:26 pm 
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http://www.brunei-online.com/bb/fri/mar6w2.htm

[SIZE="4"]Naked photos taken during bizzare interview [/SIZE]

KUALA LUMPUR (The Star) - He answered an advertisement to be a guest relation officer. Instead, David (not his real name) was photographed naked as part of an interview to be a gigolo.
The 28-year-old salesman said he had telephoned a man called 'Uncle Simon' because he needed a better paying job as he wanted to plan for his future.

David explaining his situation to Chong at Wisma MCA Wednesday.

After 'Uncle Simon' met him for the first time, he asked David to be a gigolo as he was good-looking.

"I accepted the offer because there was an interview, and I didn't think there would be anything wrong with it," David said at a press conference yesterday at the MCA Public Services and Complaints Department,

During the interview, he was required to be photographed naked.

He agreed to do so but covered his private parts during the photo shoot.

"I was afraid to reject Uncle Simon because he had my personal details as well as the pictures," he said.

"They asked me to wait for a telephone call but it never came."

:D

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:28 pm 
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Are you an avid reader of the Borneo Bulletin?!?!

:D

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:32 pm 
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WeegieBlue wrote:
Are you an avid reader of the Borneo Bulletin?!?!

:D


I like their crossword puzzle.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:35 pm 
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WeegieBlue wrote:
Are you an avid reader of the Borneo Bulletin?!?!

:D


Their used car section is pretty good.:D

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:45 pm 
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I like this one:

[SIZE="4"]Obama's smoking 'lights up' Mumbai anti-tobacco meet [/SIZE]
By: Agencies Date: 2009-03-10


Mumbai:
US President Barack Obama has come under attack at the 14th World Conference on Tobacco or Health here for smoking in public -- and has been urged to kick the habit.

Obama was singled out at the meet among successful men with a smoking habit.

Anti-smoking activists, doctors and experts described Obama's smoking as an "irresponsible" act taking into account his influential public persona.

"I was not aware that Obama smokes. It was shocking for me to know this," said Kawkab Shishani a public health activist from Jordan.

Shishani, a delegate, said smoking by a world leader like Obama sends a wrong message. "What would the young learn from him? Obama should give up smoking sooner than later."

"It is better if Obama did not smoke in public. After all he is a role model for others," said Monique Lalonde, a health promotion agent from the Montreal Public Health Department in Canada.

Another anti-smoking activist, Omar El Shahwy from Egypt, said Obama should stop smoking immediately. "He should join the tobacco control campaign as he must be aware of the harmful effects of smoking."

Obama has been described as a moderate smoker who puffs up to 10 cigarettes a day. During the presidential campaign, he was under pressure to set an example by giving up his reportedly two-decade-old habit.

The 14th World Conference on Tobacco or Health - a meeting of anti-tobacco advocates, health experts, scientists and educators - began in Mumbai on Sunday. It is the first time the event is being held in India.

More than 2,000 delegates from the world are attending the five-day conference at the National Centre for Performing Arts. It will end March 12.

Good lad!!:approve:

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:48 pm 
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KickerConspiracy wrote:
I like this one:

[SIZE="4"]Obama's smoking 'lights up' Mumbai anti-tobacco meet [/SIZE]
By: Agencies Date: 2009-03-10


Mumbai:
US President Barack Obama has come under attack at the 14th World Conference on Tobacco or Health here for smoking in public -- and has been urged to kick the habit.

Obama was singled out at the meet among successful men with a smoking habit.

Anti-smoking activists, doctors and experts described Obama's smoking as an "irresponsible" act taking into account his influential public persona.

"I was not aware that Obama smokes. It was shocking for me to know this," said Kawkab Shishani a public health activist from Jordan.

Shishani, a delegate, said smoking by a world leader like Obama sends a wrong message. "What would the young learn from him? Obama should give up smoking sooner than later."

"It is better if Obama did not smoke in public. After all he is a role model for others," said Monique Lalonde, a health promotion agent from the Montreal Public Health Department in Canada.

Another anti-smoking activist, Omar El Shahwy from Egypt, said Obama should stop smoking immediately. "He should join the tobacco control campaign as he must be aware of the harmful effects of smoking."

Obama has been described as a moderate smoker who puffs up to 10 cigarettes a day. During the presidential campaign, he was under pressure to set an example by giving up his reportedly two-decade-old habit.

The 14th World Conference on Tobacco or Health - a meeting of anti-tobacco advocates, health experts, scientists and educators - began in Mumbai on Sunday. It is the first time the event is being held in India.

More than 2,000 delegates from the world are attending the five-day conference at the National Centre for Performing Arts. It will end March 12.

Good lad!!:approve:



Whatever happened to freedom of choice?


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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 1:59 pm 
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Half Bassman Half Biscuit wrote:
Whatever happened to freedom of choice?


Thing of the past Bassy.

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PostPosted: Tue Mar 10, 2009 2:02 pm 
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I'd have thought 10 a day would make him more than a moderate smoker. Anyway, it's obviously smoking that gives his voice that sexy tone, makes me go weak at the knees every time...


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