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PostPosted: Thu Nov 06, 2014 1:12 pm 
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PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 1:17 pm 
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one week to Xmas

What's on the menu?


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PostPosted: Thu Dec 18, 2014 5:49 pm 
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Jesus O'Nazareth wrote:
one week to Xmas

What's on the menu?


The usual. Resentment, ennui, and Instant Whip.

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 3:29 am 
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Wordage Bastard.

Christmas is at the folks place this year, we are going for a roast this year as it looked like it was going to unseasonably cooler than any other year, now they are saying 37. :rolleyes:

I will be doing my usual roast side of ham glazed in maple syrup, dark rum, mustard and cloves, one I have perfected over time, this will be eaten with cold prawns and washed down with champagne at brunch. :)

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PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 5:18 pm 
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Danny's Studs wrote:
Wordage Bastard.

Christmas is at the folks place this year, we are going for a roast this year as it looked like it was going to unseasonably cooler than any other year, now they are saying 37. :rolleyes:

I will be doing my usual roast side of ham glazed in maple syrup, dark rum, mustard and cloves, one I have perfected over time, this will be eaten with cold prawns and washed down with champagne at brunch. :)


Recipe for that ham please, I'm gonna cook a ham for the first time this year and there may be a girl I want to impress with it and then subsequently have lots of sex with. So it's a worthy cause.


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 5:18 pm 
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I should clarify I wish to have sex with the lovely, soft and pretty girl, not the ham


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PostPosted: Fri Dec 19, 2014 11:28 pm 
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I'd fuck the shit out of a nice ham.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2014 12:45 am 
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Quite simple and you can't really fuck it up. Buy a massive boiled ham, with a sharp knife slice under the rind so you can then separate it, with a bit of slicing it will lift right off but you want plenty of fat left on. You can throw the rind away. Then slice in to the fat with a criss cross pattern, try and make it even and plenty deep enough. Then put sprigs of cloves in to the centre of all the criss crosses, push them in nice and deep, the more even the crissing and crossing the more evenly spaced your sprigs are. In a saucepan gently heat maple syrup, wholegrain mustard, dark rum and 1 - 2 table spoons of brown sugar until the sugar is dissolved, then simply glaze the entire ham, with special attention on the pink exposed bit. Place in a pre-heated oven at 180c. It will want to be a in a baking pan/tray, it will annoy you that the glaze does not stick and just runs off but you keep going back every 20 - 30 mins and spooning the glaze back over. It will be gorgeous.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2014 12:37 pm 
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BiscuitBlueCheese wrote:
I should clarify I wish to have sex with the lovely, soft and pretty girl, not the ham

Maybe don't eat all the ham just in case.


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2014 2:20 pm 
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Thanks Danny - what kind of ham do I need to buy? I used to be a vegetarian so I'm kind of a retard when it comes to all this. I had a brief scout in the shops the other day and was overawed from the different kinds of ham. And how long to cook it for? Can I meat thermometer it to a certain temp? Thanks babe


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 20, 2014 4:38 pm 
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Drinking sherry and nibbling pigs in blankets

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 2:24 am 
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They look like this;

Image

It is a boiled/cooked leg of ham. Anywhere from 4kgs - 8kgs is perfect, and it keeps for ages (keep it on the bone in the fridge. preferably in a ham bag). They are already boiled so you can't under do the ham, all you are doing is adding loads of flavour with the glaze. Cook for about 90 mins, leave it too cool for 20 mins or so, and you are ready to start carving. Yes.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 11:09 am 
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Just bought mine today, 4kgs is plenty.

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PostPosted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 11:43 am 
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A ham bag? Surely not such thing exists. Argh modern men.


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PostPosted: Sun Dec 21, 2014 5:24 pm 
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No fucking way would I let Studs put his meat in my ham bag. Ewwwww - that shit's nasty.

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PostPosted: Mon Dec 22, 2014 9:01 am 
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I think that is completely unfair bastard. You fuck. You fucking ham bag basting dildae smuggling cunt.

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PostPosted: Tue Dec 23, 2014 11:50 pm 
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The last thing I need right now is to think about you "keeping your ham on the bone".

Image

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 7:43 am 
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I'm doing a traditional Turkey dinner for Xmas, first time with a whole turkey (we normally do a crown.)
We do a roast chicken dinner regularly with most of the trimmings so I can do bread sauce etc in my sleep now :)

Doing a jerk ham and a big bit of top rump for a family buffet on Saturday.
Mmmmnmm meat

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 10:06 am 
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I have a big lump of wiltshire gammon, its probs boxing (football day) day..slow cooker, 4 hours, cheshire honey glaze, and a bit of this and that..
gonna get some nice baby sheep..not had it for ages due to my left wing do gooder family not liking lamb, me and the dad in law will polish that little bugger off.. :approve:

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PostPosted: Wed Dec 24, 2014 1:09 pm 
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I've got a Wiltshire gammon tbf
Good ham that, last year I cooked it in cola ala nigella :)

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